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sexual addiction
a.anti-porn.pep.zone

"♥*.¸Sexual Addiction¸.*♥"

(¯`’·.¸(An Article About Sex )¸.·’´¯)

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By identifying the symptoms of
your addiction, you develop a
better understanding of how to
overcome it.
The symptoms we're going to
discuss can be identified by you
or your partner just by taking a
close look at your actions and
being honest about them. What
blocks people from identifying
that they are addicted is the a
desire to deny one's faults. No
one is perfect. A greater mistake
than developing an addiction is
refusing to admit you are
addicted.
This discussion will help you
understand why certain
symptoms mean you are
addicted. There's a separate
section on how to get through to
an addicted person who doesn't
want to admit their addiction. If
you're displaying any of the
symptoms discussed, read the
section on how to get through to
the addicted person, carefully.
Symptom: The Behavior
Increases Over Time
A person begins addiction by
using a substance or activity to
escape dealing with the
difficulties of life. The escape fails
because escape never works -
and it always worsens life's
problems. Then - and this is the
big mistake - the person decides
to flee further into addiction
rather than face the problem.
This cycle of escape-failure-more
escape is what causes addictive
behavior to increase over time.
It has nothing to do with a
chemical imbalance or the
environment. The person
chooses to escalate escape even
though escape attempts always
fail.
However, after a while, most
addicted people reach an abusive
level of addictive behavior and
don't increase it; they maintain it.
How To Get Through To The
Addicted Person
Some addicted people try to deny
their addiction the way Bill, a
middle-aged client of mine, did.
He argued: "I haven't increased
my behavior in 10 years, so I'm
not addicted."
If you are trying to get through
to someone like Bill, ask this
question: "Did your behavior
escalate in the first few years?"
Virtually any addicted person will
answer "Yes."
Once the person admits that
their behavior escalated, don't
take it any further. Instead, move
on to the other symptoms,
because many healthy behaviors
escalate over time also.
Some addictive behaviors
decrease naturally over time. An
addicted masturbator, like Bill
was, will not masturbate as
frequently at the age of 35 as he
did when he was 19. Most
overeaters decrease their eating
as they get older, but they still
use food addictively. In the final
stages, many alcoholics drink less
but still drink abusively.
Increasing behavior over time is
a symptom. It's not final proof.
It's a strong indicator if
combined with other factors.
Symptom: The Behavior Is Self-
Destructive
Addiction relies on the misuse of
a substance or an activity.
Consistent misuse of a substance
or an activity leads to harmful
consequences.
How To Get Through To The
Addicted Person
Soft-spoken, easy-going Tommy
claimed, "I'm not hurting anyone;
I'm just having harmless fun."
I used the data on the list below
to get through to him. If you're
trying to get through to an
addicted person in denial, go
over these points with him or
her carefully. Don't use them to
attack. Approach the list as an
opportunity to explore and
discover the facts.
The activity takes up too much
time and/or costs too much
money.
Most addicted people don't
realize how much time and
money they put into their
addiction. Others know and wish
they could stop wasting their
time and money on it.
For the addicted person:
If you don't know how much
time and money you put into
your addiction, now's a good
time to start thinking about it.
For the partner:
If you're trying to get through to
an addicted person, ask him to
write down everything he
spends on the behavior and to
keep track of the time he puts
into it. These factors alone can
become the wake-up call that
gets your partner to admit his
addiction.
Symptom: It affects a person's
physical health.
Addictions are usually done until
the point of exhaustion. Most
addictive people don't realize the
terrible stress addictive behavior
puts on the body until they stop.
For the addicted person:
The next time you feel exhausted,
think about the last time you
acted addictively. Did it
contribute to the exhaustion?
Was it the main cause?
For the partner:
Many addicted people in denial
will argue that their addiction
decreases stress and gives them
energy. This can be a very
difficult defense to break
through. However, addicted
people are exhausted at the end
of an addictive binge. Ask your
partner, "How do you feel at the
end of a binge?" That might be
all you need.
If he denies that he binges, that
presents a more difficult
problem. Instead of trying to get
him to admit a binge, ask him,
"Do you mean to say that you
cannot increase your energy level
and deal with stress in a more
natural way? Wouldn't you rather
be able to feel better relying on
yourself without any artificial
stimulants, or overeating, or
compulsive sex?" That can help
him or her realize their
dependency.
If you can get him to at least
admit he has a dependency, the
door is open to discuss more
symptoms, which might break
through his defenses completely.
Symptom: Addictions have a
terrible effect on relationships.
Some defensive addicted people
will say, "If you weren't so
intolerant, we wouldn't have any
problems." In other words, he
blames the problem on you.
Your options are:
Learn to live with your partner's
addictive behavior, or
Suffer through life with an
addicted partner who does not
want to work on his problem, or
Give him the ultimate choice: "It's
either me or the addiction."
Symptom: The Behavior Causes
Harm To Others
Some of these case histories may
sound familiar:
Bob broke promises to friends,
family, and co-workers because
of his sexually addictive binges.
Marty's children were accidentally
exposed to his hardcore
pornography.
Luke's family was living from
hand to mouth while he spent
money on prostitutes.
Instead of the loving, intimate
marriage Doreen expected, she
struggled with the burden of
Henry's deceptions and betrayals.
Sylvia endured years of emotional
neglect because Phil spent more
time with porn than he did with
her.
Sally went without sex for five
years and didn't realize that the
cause was her husband's sex
addiction. She thought there was
something wrong with her. Her
story is not that unusual.
Another far too common
tragedy: Linda caught a sexually
transmitted disease from her
unfaithful husband.
Going out in public with her
husband was hell for Phyllis
because he stared at other
women as if he were undressing
them with his eyes.
Floyd harassed people he was
interested in sexually.
In rare cases, the person might
choose to become a sexual
predator by molesting children
as William did, or become a
stalker like Dennis, or a voyeur
like Sam. But these cases are rare.
Most addicted people, if they're
honest and care about their
relationship, will admit the harm
they've caused others.
If you're dealing with an
addicted person who will not
admit the harm he's caused
others, do not settle for anything
less than a full admission and
genuine remorse.
In order to get an admission
from a defensive addict, prepare
for a difficult, nasty battle. Get all
your data together before you
confront him. Go over every
possible evasion your partner
might come up with. I'm sure
you know most of them by now.
Figure out how you're going to
respond. If you can't come up
with a suitable response, then tell
him, "OK, these are the facts. I'm
not going to argue with you
about them. Take it or leave it."
With some highly evasive people,
your only option is to give them a
take it or leave it proposition.
We're only talking about the
highly evasive few. The way to
get through to them is to have all
your facts together and fight
hard.
It might take the most draining
confrontation you've ever gone
through, but if he's at all honest
and caring, you have a good
chance of getting his admission
and remorse.
After you've given it everything
you have, if he still denies his
addiction, then it's time to tell
him: "It's either me or the
addiction you say you don't
have."
If your partner admits the harm
he's caused, then show him
support. But not until then.
Symptom: The Behavior Is Used
To Alter Moods
When people take drugs to feel
good or use alcohol to stop
feeling bad, they're trying to alter
an ...


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