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love letters

.•° ♥¤õå såð £èttèrõ¤♥°•.

¤¤to a treåçhèrøus¤¤

Dear Ex boyfriend,
I broke up with you once and I
still loved you. And it was more
painful than I ever thought.
I thought I could get over you
quickly by blocking
communications with you, and
ignoring you. But when you
sent that text, I thought you
cared, but you wanted ME to
make the first moves to talk to
you again. Now why would I
put my time and effort into that,
knowing I’m going to get a
response that will fuel my with
So yeah you cared, but you only
cared because you wanted me
to message you to somehow
make it better for you, am I
right? I can only assume from
past experience. I know how
self absorbed you are, you only
cared about YOUR feelings. Not
mine. You pretended to care
about my feelings, at the time
we were going out. I fell for the
illusion. I loved you so much that
I just wanted you to be happy,
because that made me so
happy! And when you were the
slightest bit sad I got so, so sad.
I was always overwhelmed in
emotion for you, because I loved
you. You don’t deserve my love,
and I don’t deserve to be put in
overwhelming emotions of pain
because of you. My heart literally
feels like it has disappeared. An
empty hole in my heart.
So I ignored you. It’s been about
3 months we have completely
ignored each other. And after
the holidays, of having a
complete break from you, I saw
you again at school. You had
changed once again, another
piercing, different haircut, and
oh my you looked like you had
even lost weight. I guess that’s
because you’re not over at my
house being fed a lot of food. I
fed you so much because I
knew you didn't eat much at
home, and I wanted you to be
healthy, not sick. When I think of
those moments when I gave you
food and watched you eat, you
were so cute. It made me feel
special knowing I was caring for
you. And I thought you
appreciated what I did, but you
Everytime I walked past you at
school, sat behind you in class,
heard your voice and watched
you walk, it bought so many
emotions. But the biggest
emotion, was pure sadness. I
was in so much pain, that even
the slightest looks at you would
put me on the verge of crying.
Tears would well up on the
brims of my eyes, I would start
hyperventilating and my body
would start to shake a little, I
was nervous you would see my
pain. Even if you did see my
pain, you wouldn’t care. Never
have never will.
When you were going out, you
only gave me affection when i
gave it to you first, after an
argument we had and I said
“you never show me affection
first (holding hands etc. etc.) it's
always me doing it first!” and
you said “okay I will do it before
you do” but you took a while to
remember that that’s what you
had to do. Then at this point in
the relationship I was thinking
“Maybe I’m forcing him to show
me affection.” And I was always
so doubtful of your love for me.
Then I thought “maybe he does
love me, just not enough to
want to hug me first, to make
the first moves” because he was
just…so lazy. He’d always tell me
he was too tired to see me, or
he had to do things at home
which he could have done ages
ago. That made me sad, because
I was always tired from work
and school but I still made the
effort to see him because I
wanted to!! I loved him. So
As I am writing this now I am
more and more accepting the
fact that you just don’t care
about me. The illusions has
worn off. And I have now little
hope that you would ever care.
After we broke up I would keep
myself awake at night crying
and sobbing and crying more. I
would think “One day he’ll come
up to me and say “I still think
about you”” I had hope that you
might care. But I was letting
myself fall for that illusion again,
stupid me.
And every time you said you
loved me, it was a lie! That’s
what I now realize. You’ll never
know what love is. All you did
was take my love, but never
gave it in return. That’s why you
cried when we broke up, that’s
why you cut yourself, because I
wasn’t going to love you
anymore. But I cried and cried
every night, I wouldn’t stop
thinking about you 24/7 after
we broke up, I kept caring
about you, I tried making things
better by asking you to sit with
me because I cared about your
feelings, and I went through all
this pain because I loved you
and I realized, you never loved
me or cared EVER! Not one bit.
At least you had someone love
you, and you didn’t even have to
open your heart!! That whole
year on our relationship, a
waste of time.
I don’t know how you could not
love or care about someone
who loved you that much. You
obviously didn’t have the same
feelings for me as I had for you,
which was real love. I had
passion for you. Maybe I was
just a girl to you, who happened
to care about you.
I remember the times I would
ask you to come over, just to
watch TV with me or talk to me.
I loved it so much, thinking
about it makes me cry, like right
now, tears so much tears, never
ending tears. You held my hand,
I cuddled you, I didn’t want you
to leave my side, that made me
want to cry. It felt like you cared
about me, that you loved me.
Maybe you did at that one time?
Just a little bit? Or you may have
been STARTING to care? Why did
it take you so long?? Why is it so
easy for you, to not care? To not
open your heart?
I might have been able to put
up with your flaws if I knew you
cared. But they wouldn’t have
mattered so much if you loved
and cared about me, the way I
did for you.
We fought so much, I hated it. It
always made me cry. You were
always jealous for no reason,
like your jealousy was trying to
tell me you didn't want me
anymore. Your flaws made me
angry, you were always ignorant
or lazy about something. I did
nothing to betray your love.
Never even THOUGHT about any
other guy, I loved you. I only had
feelings for you, you were my
love, the one I wanted to be
with when I died, I wanted to
be the only one who cared for
you. I loved you so much, so, so
much. And when I think about
it, I still care about you. And it
sucks. You don’t deserve to be
happy after all the hurt you put
me through. You don't deserve
to be cared for, because you
don’t care back. You don't
deserve friends, family, anyone.
You’re horrible. So, so horrible.
You tricked me, without really
trying or intending, and I fell for
it, hard. And I hate it and I want
to live without having any
feelings for you, and they will go
away soon, I am still waiting for
the right guy to love me.
Why couldn’t YOU love me? we’d
both be happier if you loved me.
But you like it better this way.
You will never know what love
is and how to love. You will
never open your heart, because
you’re scared to get hurt. Yet I
was not scared, I opened my
heart because I couldn’t help it
and I wanted to experience love,
and you seemed perfect for it at
the time.
Oh well. Even after all my hatred
for you, I still cry at night
thinking of you and I say to
“I wish only happiness to him,
for it makes me happy.”

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