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/Funny Jokes

A TRAFFIC COPPER PULLS ALONGSIDE A speeding car on the motorway.
Glancing at the car, he´s astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel is knitting. Not only that the women is obviously oblivious to his
flashing lights and siren - and so he cranks down his window and turns on his
´PULL OVER!´ he shouts
´NAAH,´ the blonde yells back, ´IT´S A SCARF.´

TWO ELDERLY GENTS ARE TAKING A LEAK in a public toilet when one notices the
other gent is pissing with two streams. ´what the hell is that?´ he asks.
´War wound,´ replies the other. ´I took a revolver bullet in the penis
in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes.´
´Me too,´ says the first - showing he´s pissing with three streams. ´War wound,
Germany, it was a high - powered rifle round in the penis - left me with three
holes in my manhood,´
At this point, a young lad stands between them - and the veterans are amazed to see
12 streams of amber hitting the porcelain.
´My God,´ exclaims the second veteran, ´did you get that from a machine gun?´
´No mate´ says the youngster, incredulously, ´My zips stuck.´

A man comes out the pub....mashed out his head and attempts to drive home.

He´s doing 130mph down a country lane when he see´s flashing blue lights behind.

He pulls over and a police man appears at his window.

Is this you car asks the bobby no it´s not mine says the driver.

Well whose is it then?says the cop.

It´s his in the boot.

Repiles the driver.

Looking puzzled the driver cop asks:how did he get in the boot.

Well I shot him explains the driver.

What with? asks the cop.A gun says the driver.

And where did you get a gun? Out of the glove box explains the driver.

Right then says the copper I´ll have to call back-up on this, so he does and soon after a second police man appears.

He takes the driver to one side ands says to him: my colleauge here tells me that you stole a mans car, took his gun out of his glove box and shot him AND you put him in the boot.

The driver butts in: Yeah and I suspose he said I´d been speeding too!!

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