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Really Funny Quick Jokes

Here's some jokes that are funny, yet safe. What's the most musical part of your body? Your nose

The Education Minister of a state came to preside over the prize distribution function of a Kabaddi tournament. At the end of the
prize distribution , he said, "I am glad to witness the Kabaddi final and give away the prizes. Kabaddi is our own game and very
popular, and I am proud of it, but it disheartness me to see that only two teams have reached the final this time. I hope there
are many more Kabaddi teams in the final next year,"
An elderly man wanted to have a haircut. He went to a barber's shop. The charge of a hair cut was Rs. 25 only. When the
barber had done his work he asked for double the usual charge. "I have not much hair on my head and you are demanding the
double. why ? The clever barber replied promptly, "You are right, you have so little and so I have to search for your hair. That is
why the charges are double."
A young coupkle was quarrelling about the future career of their son. They were fighting about it outside the gate of their house
in the street. The woman wanted that their son become a doctor, for she had been suffering from a few ailments. But the man
wanted that their son become a lawyer as he had some legal issues pending in the court. A small crowd of curious people
gathered in the meanwhile. Then an orderly gentleman intervened and said to the woman, "But why don't you ask your son
about the choice of his career? In which class is her?" "Ask our son ! He is not yet there. He is to be born sometime next
month," said the woman.
A teacher was sitting in his chair at ease in the classroom and students were making a noise, when he saw the principal of the
school on a round. he at once got up from his chair and shouted, "Pin-drop silence ! The principal is now passing away."
Buddhi and Badri were class mates. They were studying in the fifth class. They often quarrelled with each other on trifles. One
day, they began to quarrel during the recess without rhyme or reason. Badri in anger shouted at Budhi, saying, "You are a damn
fool; your mind is full of shit (goo)." Budhi in reply, yelled, "You are a dirty pig and keep on licking my brains (Dimag chat ta
rahta hai)."
Teacher : Gauri, you left the school yesterday after the school period saying that you had to attend your grandma's funeral.
Gauri : Yes, sir.
Teacher : But your grandma came in the afternoon enquiring about you.
Gauri : That is very true, sir, but i am a devout Hindu and a staunch believer in re-birth.
Question : What is the best method to make your husband listen to you ?
Answer : I think you should start talking in your sleep.
Teacher : Suresh, what is the plural of mango?
Suresh : "Mangoes, sir."
Teacher : "Now it is your turn Dinesh. What is the plural of woman ?"
Dinesh : "Womangoes, sir."
Man : Please give me your telephone number. I shall ring you up sometime later.
Woman : It's there in the directory.
Man : Fine, but what's your name and address?
Woman : That's in the directory too.
Guest : What would you do when you grow up. Neha ? Would you be a doctor as your mother?
Neha : No, not at all.
Guest : Then youy would like to become a teacher like your father.
Neha : No, neither this nor.........
Guest : Then , what is your choice ?
Neha : I would do dieting like my mother.
Ticket Checker : How old are you ?
Little Boy : Five only.
Ticket Checker : And when will you be ten
Little Boy : As soon as I get down the train.
Father : Your are really an ass.
Son : Yes, Father.
Father : What yes? Do you know what is an ass? Do you ?
Son : It is a donkey's son.
Teacher : Talat, what's a synonym ?
Talat : Sir, synonym is a word one uses when one cannot spell the other one.
Balu : That fellow there mu8st be living in a small flat.
Vibhu : How do you know?
Balu : Didn't you notice his dog ?
Balu : Watch the dog. The dog wags his tail up and down, up and down, instead of sideways.
Customer : Is this hair tonic really effective ?
S hopkeeper : Really, it is. I spilled some of it on my pocket comb and now it is a hair-brush, and it is still growing fast.
Professor : I suppose you understandChinese very well.
Student : Yes sir, provided it is spoken in Hindi, my mother tongue.
Judge : According to the present police report, you have committed ten thefts, twelve burglaries and four purse-snatchings
wiyhin a fortnight. How is it so ?
Burglar : It's not a crime to work overtime, you honour.
Son : Papa, I studied last night till midnight.
Father : Don't be a liar. There was a power failure in the colony after 10 o' clock.
Son : May be, but i was busy with my homework and lessons, and so i did not notice it.
Son : Father, I'll never so to school now.
Farher : But why, my dear ?
Son : Because our maths teacher has gone mad.
Father : Mad ?
Son : Yes father, totally mad.
Father : Is it ? How ?
Son : You See dad, sometimes she says three into three are nine. And today she said five and four are nine.
Tamal : Shruti, how old are you ?
Shruti : Ten years old.
Tamal : And your sister Gitika ?
Shruti : Twenty only.
Tamal : But she says she is fifteen.
Shruti : She is also right. She learned counting at the age of five.
Teacher : Which book do you like the most Anand ?
Anand : The story book.
Teacher : And you, Geeta.
Geeta : The cartoon book.
Dhumil, raising his hand high : Sir, I like my father's cheque book. It is the best.
Teacher : Have you ever heard of Helen of Troy?
Student : Yes sir, She is the heroine of a Greek epic.
Teacher : Right ! What do you think she would be doing now, if she were alive ?
Student : Living on old age pension, sir
Teacher : Why do you think Sita went into exile with Rama ?
First Student : Because she was an ideal wife.
Second Student : Sir, Sita was fond of visiting holy shrines and piligrimages.
Third Student (raising her hand) : She accompanied Rama to the forest because she was unwilling to live with three mothers-
in-law.
Judge : Have you ever been sent to jail ?
Criminal : No, Never, Your Honour, and he began to weep and cry.
Judge : Well, don't cry. You are being sent now.
Judge : This man's purse was in the innermost pocket and moreover fastened with a safety pin. Then how did you manage tp
get it ?
Pick Pocket : Your Honour, I cannot teach my art free. Iusually charge Rs.500 for the first lesson, and Rs.400 each for the
subsequent lessons. Sir, in your case I'm willing to make a concession
A family went to a hill station. One day, the father stood at the edge of a precipice enjoying the beautiful valley below. Then his
daughter approached him, and almost dragging him behind said,"Papa, mummy says it is not safe here. Eithercome away or
else give me your purse."
A thief and criminal was brought before a judge. The said, "You have committed several thefts and two robberies this week."
"Yes , Your Honour, I'm an honest and industrious person and never shirk hard labour."
Judge : Did you steal the lady's purse ?
Thief : Yes, Your Honour, I did.
Judge : But where is your lawyer ?
Thief : Your Honour, I have none.
Judge : Well, the court will provide you a lawyer to plead your case.
Thief : Please, sir, no lawyer.
Judge : But why ?
Thief : Your Honour, I want to use the whole money myself.
Man : God what is a million yrs like 2 u ?
God : Like a second
Man : N what is a million rupees 2 u ?
God : Like 1 paise.
Man : May I have 1 paise ?
God : 1 second pls........
Q : Why is river rich ?
A : It has two BANKS.
Q : What does IBM stand 4?
A : It's Better Manually.
In olden day's man's greatest fear was that a woman would take it to heart
Today his greatest fear is that a woman will take it to court.
A man to friend : What should I do for our 50th wedding anniversary?
Friend : "What did u do for ur 25th ?"
Man : "I took my wife to Goa."
Friend : "What r u thinking about for 50th ?"
Man : "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."
Guest : When were you born, Shalu ?
Shalu : Me ? Almost 5 years back on monday the 3rd of March. But when were you born uncle ?
Guest : Me ? Almost 25 years back on Sunday the 10th of june.
Shalu : Uncle, don't try to the befool me Sunday is a holiday.
Judge : Why do you steal again and again ?
Accused : To drink, Your Honour.
Judge : But why do you drink ?
Accused : To have courage to steal.
Judge : Well, there are a dozen witness who saw you steal the motorcycle.
Accused : But your honour, I have a hundred witnesses who did not see me steal it.
Customer : How much for this dog?
Dealer : Five hundred rupees.
Customer : Isn't it too much for this dog?
Dealer : Sir, the dog is really wonderful.
Customer : But is it faithful as well?
Dealer :Faithful ! Yes sir, very faithful. I have sold it ten times and he has always come back to me within 10 hours
"My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog," said a woman to her friend. "really!" exclaimed the friend.
"Yes. It was horrible to watch the dog die."
Teacher : Name any one great man born in your country.
Student : No, sir, only children are born in our country.
An artist showing his latest painting to a visitor in his studio said, "Sir, that's a horse grazing."
"But where is the grass?" asked the visitor
"The horse has grazed it," replied the artist.
"And where is the horse?"
"He has gone home after grazing.
Wife : Stop the car. I forgot to switch off the iron. The house might burn down.
Husband : Never mind it ! It won't. I forgot to turn off the shower.
"Mummy, can i go in swimming?" , asked the young son.
"No", replied the mummy, "The sea is stormy and there are sharks in threr."
"Never mind, he's insured"
Employer : What's your age?
Candidate : Twenty years.
Employer : And your experience?
Candidate : Twenty five, sir.
Employer : How's that?
Candidate : All overtime, sir.
A speaker was talking with the audience after his speech was over. He asked a young lady:
"How did you like speech?"
"Very much sir," replied ...


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