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Bollywood Jokes I

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Too Intelligent Rani Mukherjee:

Once Rani Mukherjee was bragging about her knowledge of the Capital Cities of the countries around the world, and proudly announced, “go ahead, ask me any of the Capitals, I know all of them.”
Then Kaun Banega Karodpathi fame, Mr Amitabh Bachchan, shot off, “O.K., What’s the Capital of China.
Rani Mukherjee promptly replied, “Oh, that’s easy, ‘C’.”

Who's the smartest of the three?

Once Priyanka Chopra, Shilpa Shetty and Aishwarya Rai went to a temple to donate money. Priyanka Chopra draws a circle around her and says, that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. She then throws up all her money.
Next Shilpa Shetty draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money, saying whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.
Now it is Aishwarya Rai’s turn. She throws up all her money, and yells, "God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep."

Bollywood takes a break with dumb babes:

Once all the film stars decided to take a break and go to a hill station and have fun over there. So they hired a double decker. All the Khans, Bachchans, Deols Devgans, Dutts and other male stars were seated down in the double decker while Kareena, karishma, Juhi, Rani, Dia, Shilpa, Ayesha, Rakhi Sawant and other female stars occupied the upper deck.
While the male stars were having fun n laughter down below; when suddenly they realized they didn't hear anything from the dames upstairs, they depute Shahrukh Khan to go upstairs and see what's happening. Shahrukh Khan then reaches the top and finds all the dumb dames frozen in fear, sitting on a razor's edge clinging to their seats with clenched fists staring straight-ahead up the road. He says, "Hey, Hey ! What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time down over there !"
Rakhi Sawant then looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Dia Mirza's challenge:

These days, Dia Mirza was bragging about her intellectual prowess and challenging the brainy babes of Bollywood. She wanted M&M's to be put together in an alphabetical order. According to the grapevine, they all tried and failed.

Sanjay Dutt swims without arms:

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, Sanjay Dutt complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Lara's Turkey:

Lara Dutta baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 75.

Smart Aishwarya Rai & Over smart Shilpa Shetty:

Shilpa Shetty becomes a police officer and one day...
Aishwarya Rai was driving along the highway when Shilpa Shetty, the police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Shilpa Shetty : May I see your license?
Aishwarya Rai : What does it look like?
Shilpa Shetty : Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
Aishwarya Rai looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to Shipla Shetty.
Shilpa Shetty then opens it up and says "if you had told me you were a police officer ma'm, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Bobby Deol & Priyanka Chopra- Nasa left:

Once finding a break in their overseas shooting, Bobby Deol and Priyanka Chopra went for long drive sightseeing. They decided to see NASA Center. As they approached NASA, they saw a sign saying, "NASA left".
After thinking for a minute, Bobby Deol said, "Oh shit, its gone!” C'mon let's turn around and go back home.

What a Nice Copier:

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO, Amitabh Bachchan standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, Amitabh Bachchan, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night.
Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said Amitabh Bachchan as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

How to tell when a Bollywood Babe is really stupid ?

Well, you know her stupidity when she..
* Takes a ruler to bed to see how long they slept.
* When she misses the bus No. 8 and takes the bus No. 4 twice instead.
* Puts lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
* Shakes her belly before taking a medicinal syrup, just because it's written “Shake well before use” on a medicinal bottle.
* Sends you a fax with a stamp on it.
* Tries to drown a fish.
* Rings you to get your phone number.
* Gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death.

Checking the Mail:

Amisha Patel was seen rushing outside to her mailbox, looked in it, banged the door of the mailbox, and went back into the house.
A few minutes later she repeated the process by checking her mailbox again. She did it thus few more times.
The ever-intellectual Aamir Khan who's watching all this enquired and said, "Seems, the way you keep looking in that mail box, you are about to expect an important letter today."
Amisha Patel answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have new mail."

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