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The day was growing long and I had been awake now for over
24 hours. From here it was only two more hours before I
would be in Toronto but I knew I had to get at least some
sleep. The seats were very uncomfortable and I squirmed to
get settled. What do you expect for five dollars and fifty
cents? Oh, well. The bus ride was not the important thing.
As long as I get there, I'll be quite happy. At that moment
I felt an evil grin coming on and I drifted off into a deep

"Steve. Is that you?", came a voice. Was I dreaming?

"It's me, John. Gee! At least say 'hi'. I don't expect you
to jump on me or anything. Just a simple 'hi' would do quite

"Oh! Hi. Gee. It's nice to see you. What are you doing
here?", I asked, not quite sure of whether I was dreaming or

"You don't remember? YOU invited me down for the weekend."

"Huh. Yeah. Is it that weekend already? Boy oh boy. The
place is a mess. I'd better clean up a bit before you even
bother coming in."

"Forget the mess cutie, I'm not here to inspect your
apartment. May I come in?"

"Whah? John? Sure, yeah. Come in, please." What did he just
say? I must be dreaming.

"It's been a long time Steve. Yer still the same old Steve
though - mind in the clouds!"

"I'm just tired John. I've had a busy week - seemed more
like a month. What brings you here?"

"Come on. You can't be serious. Yer kidding me, right?"

"I do remember inviting you down for the weekend ... ", he
cut me off.

"Yer damn right you did, and I didn't travel 500 miles to
have the door shut in my face."

"No. NO. Of course not. Please. I'm just a bit tired. You'll
have to excuse my confusion. I'm really quite happy that you
decided to come."

"Well...ok. That's the Steve I came to visit", he said in
rather maniacal tone.

John hadn't changed one bit since high school. Dark brown
hair - still all there - and those gorgeous green eyes. His
body hadn't lost it's shape, a perfect chest with a few
wisps of hair that I could see jutting out of the top of
his open shirt and the roundest tastiest looking buns I have
ever seen.

"How do you keep so fit John? I couldn't help but, er,
notice." I smiled and inadvertently gulped, something which
didn't go unnoticed.

"Steve. Let's cut the small talk. I didn't come here to
small talk either. Well, at least not right now. Maybe
after...", he stopped and winked at me then glanced sideways
so that I couldn't respond with an open mouth or a look of

I was always unsure about my sexuality. John did something
to me though. He made me feel whole and that was something
which I had not felt since we parted 8 years ago. It was
something which I had always wanted to have again but it was
always out of my control.

"John. It really is great seeing you again. I'm really quite
happy that you decide to come."

"Yeah. You said that already. Nervous?", his face lit and a
smile came to him.

"Me nervous. 'Bout what?" I was trying very hard not to
quiver outwardly but I felt like jelly inside. My stomach
was turning over and over and I felt like a bad kid standing
before the principal.

"It's okay, Steve. Why don't I just put you to bed so you
can get some sleep?"

"I do need the sleep and I really think I should go to bed,
but I'll only go on one condition."

"Name it bud."

"You come with me." There. I had said it. It made me feel
relieved and at the same time somewhat scared. I'd never
slept with a man before. And if ever I was going to, it
would have to be John. He was so perfect. I had always
worshipped him at school and had always known he was queer.

The other kids used to tease him and I was guilty of joining
in a few times too. I never wanted to, but all the kids did
it and whenever I tried to defend John they would all turn
on me and call me a fairy and a fag. I just couldn't handle
it. But whenever we called John names, he would just look at
us and stand there. His face wouldn't change an inch. He
just stood there.

One time I remember being pushed to the front of the
crowd. John had seen me and looked at me intensely with
those emerald eyes. His gaze caught me by surprise. I tried
to push my way back and hide 'cos I was always scared that
the other kids would find out about me. My efforts were all
in vain. I was always a runt and never strong enough to do
anything but lift my pencil.

Not being able to get out of sight, I decided to look up and
take my lumps. I may not have been strong but I was
certainly emotionally stable enough to know how to take my

John was still staring at me. I didn't know what to do so I
just stood there, looking deeper and deeper into his
widening gaze. Any second I was sure that I would be face to
face with his soul. The kids, all yelling, pushed ahead
suddenly and I fell forward onto my hands and knees. I guess
he sort of knew that I didn't want the other kids to know.
He could have helped me up but he didn't. Something I was
very glad for at the time, but it makes me sad to think
about it now.

It gets me so depressed to see people picked on. One never
really understands it until you have been picked on
yourself. It's a whole different story then.

The covers tickled the bottom of my nose and I felt a kiss
on the cheek.

"You dozed off mid-sentence Steve. You must really be tired.
Why don't I just let you sleep?"

"No. It's okay. I was just day-dreaming."

"Well it sure must have been a good one 'cos your eyes were
glued shut and the noise coming out of your mouth certainly
wasn't opera", he chuckled.

"No. Well. I was just remembering school. You remember that
time when all the kids were out yelling fag and queer at

"Hey! If I had that good a really happened more
often than you may have been aware."

"Really? Well, the one time I remembered was outside the
boys entrance. You know, right near the bicycle racks. There
were alot of guys all round you all yelling and stuff.
Mickey Ruttledge shoved me right at you but I fell. Don't
you remember staring...", I stopped. My feelings about that
stare had become a personal treasure. I was not about to
give them away.

"I think I do remember Steve. Yes. I did sort of notice you
being flung to the ground there. I was surprised to see you
there altogether. I didn't think you were that kind of guy!"

" be really honest John. I didn't think I was that
kind of a guy either. Do you know what I mean?" I didn't
have to say any more. John knew what I meant and he hugged
me reassuringly. "I was never certain John, you must
understand, but I haven't been happy with what I have been
doing and many questions keep coming back to haunt me."

"Like what? I wouldn't want you to be unhappy Steve. Please,
won't you share your thoughts with me?", he said boldly. I
sensed the strength and sincerity of his words and began to
formulate my response.

"I don't know if you ever suspected me in school...I don't
know how you could of though 'cos I didn't suspect myself
until just recently...anyway, I think that I...", I just
couldn't continue. The shock of telling someone about
feelings I held so close, but this was John! No one knew how
or just what I felt. I decided to continue, after a little
more encouragement.

"I'm pretty sure that I might be gay." There. I'd said it.
It was out and there was no covering it up.

"It's okay Steve. I can understand how you must feel. It's
not exactly a secret that I am. People have always known
that. Even before I knew myself, they did. Always, at school
the kids would shout at me and pick fights. I never wanted
to fight, but if it came to that, I would have to. I learned
to take care of myself real quick!"

"John. Would you kiss me?" Again, I was sharing my treasured

"I'd like to do more than that Steve. You know I've always
liked you", he said smiling. His eyes shone and I detected a
strong scent on the air. It felt good. I felt good. The
whole idea was good. At long last, I might know myself.

At that moment, I didn't feel tired at all. It was like a
thousand people had pushed me into this, all expecting me to
at last free myself from the bonds of society. And, with
each passing second, it became less and less a struggle as I
fell into John's arms.

Warmth rushed over me and made me tingle. I hadn't noticed
that John was completely naked nor had I noticed that I was
too. He must have undressed me! As shocked as I was to
realize it, the fact only made me feel comfortable,

As he came under the sheets, I felt his body touching mine
as the water in the bed settled. A wave of John descended on
me and I was as rigid as a surfboard and just as eager to be

He came close and hugged me tightly. Oh...he was so strong.
I lost myself in his embrace. My head rested gently on his
chest and I could hear his heart thumping, echoing in that
enormous cavern. I felt a leg wrap itself around my back
like a serpent climbing a tree, his lips met mine and my
eyelids fell heavily shut.

The visions filling my head were wonderful. I was waiting
anxiously for the next act and it was then that I felt a
hand where no one had touched before. I could feel myself
rising like a bird taking flight. The tension of not having
slept was swept away and the hand that vanquished it began
to move.

The bed rocked as we moved from side to side, top to bottom
and end over ...

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