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images - Animals/Nature
great.jokes.pep.zone

Old age jokes

OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved

OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground

OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out

OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way

OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket

OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose

OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory

OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust

OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged

OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!


OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling

OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off

OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires

OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away

OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away

OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures

OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print

OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter

OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down

OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse

OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces

OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered

OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away

OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away

OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world

OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap
Travel to Heaven
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "what are the green fees?".

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"


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