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doctors - Comics/Fantasy/Anime
kashido.pep.zone

jokes -medical

1)A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his
nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

2)
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots
of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a
surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where
the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and
immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of
him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes
of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:

"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is
a gynecologist!"

3 the hisotry of medicine

have an earache...
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Psychiatric Hotline



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.

Missunderstanding


A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."


Bad veterinarian.
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to
reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first
doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality,
"Howard. You're a veterinarian."


The woman needs help...
A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she
sufferred from excessive
flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done
nothing about it until
now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history,a process that
took quite a while. At
the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting
here talking to you
I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell." At
this point, the Dr.
scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the
woman. "What's
this?" she asked, "some pills?" "No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a
prescription for a
hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."

Bad news.
"give me the bad news first."
"You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?"
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
"Oh. Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."


Poor kid...
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor
arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year
old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new
born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take
his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there
in the first place!!"




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