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The truth about Cats

I was speaking to my cat yesterday , his names Douglas , Douglas the Cat , I didnt want to call him a common cat name like ginger ,

A: Its politically incorrect now and
B: He's Grey and White , being called Ginger may have confused him and you dont ever want to confuse a cat, that can be dangerous , especially if he goes on mastermind

anyway , going back to my conversation with Douglas , or Dougie as he's known to his friends , I said to Dougie ( Thats Douglas to you ,cause your not his friend) " Dougie, why is that cats like catnip ? "

Dougie , turned his head and replied " Mais Monsieur , we cats only speak french "

This was very intriguing to me , so with my vast knowledge of french I started to pose hard and harder questions

10minutes later....

Me " Dougie , je aimer pomme de terre ? "

Dougie " ....(french accent)...for f**ks sake Iain , I've already f**king told you , I'm a F**KING CAT (so its a cat with a french accent ,picture it) and all you keep saying is you like potatoes , POTATOES!!"

In that split second , my whole life philosophy changed , I couldnt help notice , but in that moment I saw ,

the hair on my forearms was now spreading over the back of my hand....


....and somewhat wiser

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

Previously I had discovered a few of lives secrets ,1) I like potatoes, 2) Je amier pomme de terre ,I like french potatoes ,3)Cats speak french

It all made sense to me now , why cats smell strange , why they do stupid things , why they seem so arrogant , why they speak french , why they look so suspicious....


now aware of this fact , I ventured into the world and I met a dog , a real 1 , a canine

I thought quickly and thought of a challenging question

" fairevous aimer pomme de terre "

I waited anxiously for his reply

" woof...woof...woof...woof...woof...woof...woof...woof...woof"

That was 9 woofs , that told me in a split second 2 things
A : He does not like potatoes
B: He barked 9 times , the German word for no is nine soooooo DOGS ARE GERMAN!!

This alone explains why they raise their paw , its not a trick for a treat , its dogs saluting hitler

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