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Tarquin Investigates

As many of you will know we here at have our very own intrepid reporter Tarquin Walter Andrews-Tobec. He will be reporting to us from all over the world but mainly Scotland.

Hello Tarquin Andrews-Tobec here reporting from somewhere in the middle east, sent me here to investigate religious teachings techniques.

We went undercover and came out with the following footage of these religious teaching methods.

Middle eastern teaching dude " Ok kids we're going to teach you about god ALLAH "

Kids " woo hoo"

Middle eastern teaching dude " Ok kids lets all line up infront of me, ok now we're ready to begin , ALLAH says touch your nose....thats good....ALLAH says stand on 1 leg....thats great now kids , we're learning loads now....put your hand on your head"

1 small kid *puts hand on hand*

Middle eastern teaching dude " You fucking stupid kid havent you learnt any fucking thing you NEVER do what you want ALWAYS DO WHAT ALLAH says . Would you jump off a cliff if I told you too? "

Small kid " um....yes"

Middle eastern teaching dude " Hell no Dont do what I tell you , only what ALLAH says"

Small kid " ....but you're telling us to only listen to Allah and we're not supposed to do what you say so then .....we shouldnt listen to Allah?"

Middle eastern teaching dude " ARGH!!! ALWAYS LISTEN TO ALLAH YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!!!!! , now little kid can you hear what Allah is telling you now?"

Small kid " I cant "

Middle eastern teaching dude " He's telling you to go jump off that fucking cliff we talked about earlier"

Well as you can see from that footage , the middle east have developed highly specialised teaching method, I'm Tarquin Andrews-Tobec and this was another episode of Tarquin Investigates.

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