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>!< FaMoUs QuOteS >!<

Th3 most Famous Quot3s:::::

Th3 most Famous Quot3s::::

Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.(-Danish proverb)

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.(Groucho Marx (1890-1977))

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. (Sir James Dewar, Scientist (1877-1925))

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. (Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910))

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. (Mark Twain)

Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. (Samuel Butler (1612-1680))

If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing. (W. Edwards Deming)

It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best. (W. Edwards Deming)

All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. (Jane Wagner/Lily Tomlin (1939- ))

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. (Mark Twain)

We think in generalities, but we live in details. (Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947))

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. (Mark Twain )

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (Christopher Darlington Morley)

If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over. (Yiddish proverb)

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own. (Chinese proverb)

I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today. (Sheldon S. Maye)

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. (Robert Frost)

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. (Oscar Wilde)

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? (George Wallace)

The important thing is never to stop questioning. (Albert Einstein)

I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones. (John Cage)

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. (George Santayana (1863-1952))

FUNNY QUOTES:

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.


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