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dream with me - Woman

» my lovestory «

in memory of Martine Ducruet

This is a true story.May god give me the force to make you understand every single word.This story i tell you speaks about lost childhood,real love,death and lonelyness.Take my hand and follow me and please,give me time,it's not easy for me to tell you this but i have to,cause otherwise the fantoms of my past will kill me....
My childhood..Social desease,alcol,violence and shame,that's how i grew up.Mum and dad both heavy drinkers,completely stoned every day,that was my childhood.Since i was a little kid our family lived with the riterement of my dad born in 1915 and some money from social organisations.Most of the money was used to buy alcol.I put al my force in school,my real world was there.Al my teachers knew about my problems and tried to help me up in every way.Years passed by in that way.Never had a girl at school or outside,never had anything cause i was ashamed of my social condition.Time passed by slowly and with a thousand big problems.Even to get a pair of jeans i had to ask for social aid.No fotos of the past,nothing,only an old weird aunt.

My last year at school.I finished in may,two weeks after my 'dear'mom died because of a cancer and,may god forgive me,i didn't cry a tear for her.Ten days later i left home with no remorse and until now i've never seen my hometown again.When i left i was not even eighteen years old...
My first years on the road.
Finally free.The first two years it was difficult to survive but i did it.After,with some experience life looked a bit better.
It was the 25th of november when this story began.That day i finished work as a dishwasher in a restaurant.Outside it was cold and rainy.To save money i went to the motorway and at a big entrance i tried to get a lift to the south to find some sun.
It was late in the evening when a car stopped and took me to Lyon(about 200km down to the south).My driver,a middle aged guy,to pass time while driving told me his story.René Ducruet,that was his name,was a big wholesaler oe tissus.He said:Two years ago i lost my wife in a terrible car crash on the motorway near Marseille.She was together with my daughter Martine when she lost control of the car(a spider).My daughter was thrown of the car at the moment of the impact.The last scene she has seen before hitting the tar ground was her mother burning alive in the car.When she woke up after two days of coma she was blind on both eyes.15 month of various hospitals,nothing to do.Martine's body is ok but her caracter changed completly.
Before that acident my daughter was like every young girl of sixteen.Full of life,full of projects,every week a new boyfriend.She was like the sun in rainy days for my wife and me.Now its different.Her caracter changed completly as i've told you.Martine is convinced to be a monster,she has frequently crises where she cries and shouts for hours.All her friends run away.In two words she's impossible now.She tried suicide for two times this month,so i pay a medic and a nurse to watch her when i'm out for business.Thats my story he concluded
In the meantime we arrived in Lyon.It was raining cats and dogs and after a long silence Martine's father said:No,i can't leave you here like this.Tonight you sleep in the guestroom of my cottage,then tomorrow you decide what to do,ok?Ok i said.
It was late in the evening when we arrived at the cottage.Martine's father told me:this cottage and the farmland around belong to my family since 1870.Actually about 10 people are working here.Lets have a look if there's something to eat.
That evening i met Martine for the first time and i felt strange.Face to face with one of the nicest girls i had ever seen.Her father explained to her that i was a guest for the night.Me to present myself i used a few words of my horrible french.She was laughing .Your french is terrible she said in a perfect dutch.Please sit beside me and tell me more about you.In this place nobody wants to speak with a monster like me,so if you rest for a while i'll be happy.Ok,i said.Look,if all monsters look like you i will loose my fear of them.
It was late at night when a woman1(a kind of female Cassius Clay)came into the room and said "time to sleep".Oh god,the gorilla,whispered Martine.Ok Matt,good night,pleased to meet you.

The next morning i woke up late.I found Martine's father in the kitchen.Listen Matt tell me about your projects,then i ask you a question.I told him that i wanted to go to the south to look for a new job.Why don't you stay here for a while?There's plenty of space,you can help in here or in the garden.And at last you can make company to my daughter.I spoke to her and she likes you i think.What do you say?I accepted.
I stayed in mr.Ducruet's house until the first of february 1988.In these days for the first time in my life i was happy.But the importance is that Martine changed slowly into a different person.I spend nearly al my time with her.Every time she cried i cleaned her tears,every time she was down i helped her to come up even taking her hands.Martine and me we became one spirit.Many times she told me that if i'll leave her she would die.We had long walks into the city,hours of discussions and everything was ok for me to make her happy.Medics and even her father were surprised.What's going on,are you a magician?Maybe i was,my recept to heal Martine i call love.
I remember forever a marvellous day round cristmas when the medic of Martine and i deceided to make an experiment with her.By car we went to Lyon to the place were she went to shool for the last four years.The medic(a guy from outside the city)stopped beside her school and said,damned we get lost,i don't know where we are.Martine,can you help us?And how?I don't see,she said.I took her hands.Close your eyes,smell,listen around,LET ME BE YOUR EYES,i said.She stepped out of the car and after a minute she says,come with me,SHE CROSSED THE ROAD TAKING ME INTO A SMALL COFFESHOP WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM!We spoke to the owner who knew her.I'm happy that you see again he salutes Martine.No Marcel, i don't see anything,i use the eyes of my love to see(she introduced me to Marcel).Love is although that....
After that magic day the faith in life of Martine grew every day.She moved like a normal person on the street just taking my hand.Every time a little accident happened she laught and said ops,take care where you put my feet.
At the end of january i deceided to work for a year in spain to make money to marry my girl.Mr.Ducruet and Martine where happy for me.I left Martine the first of february,destination Barcellona where i got a good job in an hotel .The owner was an old friend of Martine's father.I was happy feeling strong like a lion but cruel destiny had a surprise for me.
25 days of a new life.I worked during the day and in the evening i talked with Martine.
25 february 1982,6 o'clock in the morning.
It was 6 o'clock in the morning when the owner of the hotel knocked at my door shouting:Matt,wake up,there's an urgent phone call for you from Lyon,hurry!!
Martine's father was in line.He told me with a broken voice"matt,tonight Martine had a heavy histerical crisis.We tried to help her up and for a moment everything seemed ok.A minute later she starts to cry again escaping in her room.The medic and i we followed her and.....Matt,my daughter jumped out of the window at the thirth floor of our house!!Now she in in the ospital.MEDICS SAY THAT SHE IS DYING,please do something......."Here he stop and i only heard him crying......
It took me over four hours to come to Lyon.At 12.30 i was in the intesive therapy room of the ospital beside my love.A medic told me"i wonder that she is still alive,her back bone is broken,both legs are broken and she's heavy wounded inside.We can't do anything for her,sorry......"In the room i found her father and a priest praying.There are no words in this world which can describe the following hours.
At 3 o'clock in the afternoon i married my love.At 4.45 Martine died in my arms and i died with her.Her last words:we see in heaven,i'll wait for you.Please don't betray our love and remember that i'm with you like you are with me,forever.........
The first two weeks after Martine's dead i don't remember.Totally blackout.When i "woke up"i was a member of foreign legion.Five years where i learned to kill,where i lost fear and pity,where i learned to hate life more than before.I came out in 1993 with my right arm at 50%of force(i was heavy wounded in Colombia).
1993 - 2006
running around like a zombie on roads with no name looking for a way to come back to my love.
Many times things are running bad like in this moment but who cares for a vagabond.
Living every day like it is my last,only in that way i find the force to overlive another day.
Doing a milion bad payed jobs to overlive and sometimes like now i run out of money but i never asked pity to nobody.Thats whats left of me today.
Martine i miss you..@-'-.---

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