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[How to lose your job in 10 days!]

DAY1- Arrive wearing your Juicy Couture tracksuit. To a law firm. Act suprised and smile kindly when your embarrassed boss advises you to wear something 'more formal'.

DAY2- Wave your medical forms and starter pack wildly around in the air while shrieking: "What am I meant to say when it asks me if i've had any phsycological problems? Shall I tell them I've been in the priory?".

DAY3- Conduct a loud, personal phone call that degenerates into a row. "Gary, no! How dare you bring that up? That was eight ears ago" When your boss hovers by your desk with some paperwork, smile, then continue to argue for another ten minutes.

DAY4- Phone HR and ask them how many holiday days you have accrued. Spend the morning browsing the internet, book a three-week trip and rush into your boss's office in a state of great excitement telling her you've found the biggest bargain.

DAY5- Start sending 'comedy' chain emails featuring naked fat ladies, a boy who has been eaten by a snake and The Hoff, around the entire company- Including to the octogenarian MD.

DAY6- On a client lunch, lean towards your boss conspiratorially and whisper loudly that you have a pierced labia

DAY 7- Laugh in a slightly unhinged manner whenever colleagues crack a joke.

DAY8- Attend an evening function where you knock back five glasses of winein quick succession. Give Neville from IT a lapdance before hugging the MD and telling him his gorgeous. Next, either leave 'secretly' with Neville in full view of your colleagues or vomit everywhere.

DAY9- Call in sick.

DAY10- When you're told that "things aren't working out", appear not to understand. Talk over the HR womans spiel, saying that you've forfilled your brief very well, but suggest that your boss works on her interpersonal skills.

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