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[Only in America]

Only In America...

..can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

..are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put their useless junk in the garage. they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place. they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. they use the word politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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