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[20 things to do whilst ordering a pizza]

20 things to do while ordering a pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, 'Remember, we never had this conversation.'

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you re going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim 'Oh, just surprise me!' and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Order in pig Latin.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's 'Master of Puppets' CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want; rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say 'crazy bread.'

15. Stutter on the letter p .

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else (eg. if phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!).

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Say that you have a coupon for a free Ferrari with two large thin crust pizzas.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

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